Let Go or Let In ?

One quiet afternoon.
Just my steps and Bon Jovi playing on my ears.
Opened that clear door and filled the form.
Trying to ignore my own head.

15 minutes to the scheduled event.
Barely felt my feet.
Vomit was on the way.
But after several breath taking and releasing and a friendly reminder, there I went.

Shoes off.
Just a cushion, a module and a bottle of water.
Can't feel anything, but running away that instance.
My brain said no, I already paid for this class.

As far as I can get in those explanations is just when this class will end.
And as far as I read the module, I was terrified.
This class has no mirror in it, but I feel like facing a huge one.
And there I was.

Holding my pain, my loss, my burden, alone and helpless.
Can't even remember how to breathe, how to be alive.
Never been so terrified before.
Though the class was so funny and relax.

Biting my lips is not holding my tears from falling down.
I just can't hold it.
I need to go. I have to go.
Should I go ??

But something about the leading voice made me still in my seat.
Guide without any expectation.
Just do it as your wish.
Feeling not doing it is also acceptable.

And I just let myself close my eyes.
Not feeling anything, not expecting anything.
Pain, Loss, Burden,
Bring it On!

10 minutes later (or more, I don't know)
I stopped sobbing.
Like nothing ever happened before.
Just right there, right on that moment.

I am supposed to do the let-go process.
Instead I feel like it was more let-in process.
To deal and go along with life,
Is it let go or let in ?