Damn, I'm Good

I knew I am good at everything that I do.
But I don't think I would be good at being played at.
Exceedingly good, in fact. Too good. Damn!

The player must have the highest satisfaction ever.
Well, that is just how good I am.


Moving On (In Lie)

Time has made me to. Time moved me on, on the very same day my life stopped. Its funny actually, how much I wanted to stay un-live, but time made me live after all.

Yes, time moved me on, and if I may add in lie(s). So many lies til I loath myself.

Running away all this time is just the part to run away from those lies in me.

Said I don't love, but I do.
Said I don't miss, but I am.
Said I don't lose a thing, but this is my greatest lost.

Yes, time moved me on. In lies.
And I lose myself, big time..


Love is Love

Love is Love
No Matter What

Out of the perfect scam, still I Love
Out of the false words, still I Love
Out of the near-cruel treatments, still I Love

Because Love is Love
No Matter What

And I am Made of Love
Love is My Main Ingredient

Trash me as You like, still I Love
Scam me as You wish, still I Love
Tear me Over and Over again, still I Love

Because I am Made of Love
Love is My Main Ingredient


Rindu Tak Berujung

Seperti hidup dalam kebohongan konstan.
Rasa ini tercipta dari kebohongan tingkat tinggi.
Tapi tetap terasa begitu sempurna,
hanya tak berujung..


Fingers Crossed

One day...

I was not sure what am I doing here. Its like going round and round and has no end. But still Im doing the same exact thing every single time, just to find my self in the same spot. Uncertain and confuse. Lost and not found. 

In me, I have this huge hole which I can almost feel it in my physical chest since I woke up in that particular day. Man, was and still that hard the feelings are. 

Well, let's have these fingers crossed and walk through life, step by step.

10 days later...

Step by step it is. And these steps went from baby steps to a thousand miles steps. This uncertainty led me to semi insane-spontaneity. Planning a sudden trip in order to have steps going on in my life. And there I went. To a place where age is not a limit and money is degrading. 

I can sense fear strucked. Along with curiosity and hesitation. Fighting uncertainty with unsecurity. And believe it or not, I kinda like the result. Kinda enjoying this lost-in-purpose process. Just me and these foot steps. 

Miles to miles and people after people. Finding good and bad at once. Literally finding sky above the sky. Digging the dirt to find a piece of gold in my life. Well, got lost is fun!!

And as I walk through this journey, between those steps I found myself again. In an old man cleaning the pedestrian path, I found a piece of me. In a little boy sit calmly facing the glass wall, I found another piece of me. Between those trees, I also found piece of me is sneaking. Suddenly, one in the mirror is not a stranger anymore. 

He said I need a change, change would do me good. He is totally right. 

I might going back to the same old routine, but this lost trip change a bit of me. And I do feel good. Still have fingers crossed, for more good. 



Aku kangen sangat.
Itu saja.


Box (-ing)

I always have certain fascination about box. I would go to a box store just to see those boxes in so many motives, colors and size, touch them and imagine what kind of stuff I can put there.

I love boxes and I have never imagine that this particular fascination would help me get through my life.

Yes. You read it correctly. From the love for boxes, I get help to get through with my life. Some of you might wondering how in the hell I can do that? Some of you might already guess me right. And some of you might also doing the same thing as myself already.

For you whom might still wondering how in the hell I can get help from my fascination of boxes, here you go.

The wise said, in order to be happy, we need to live in the present, right ? Well, I have problems with that. My brain can understand that statement but it is freaking difficult to have the attitude. I am either worrying about the future or clinging to my past. And this box-ing methode helps me to deal with one of them, the clinging to my past part. 

When something is over (or should be over), I would have picture a box in mind. Then every single thing that relates to that particular event and/or person would go to that box. 

The box-in process can take a lot longer than it should. That's my weakness. But somehow, those times would give me many things to learn. Or maybe I am good at taking advantages from the worst. 

Back to the boxing process. Each time I visualize it, it helps me to have that 'let go' feeling, bit by bit. And when finally I can imagine that I close the box with a tape, what a relief! 

As for now, I am still boxing some things in few boxes. One box from last year is closing. Lessen my burden, free myself to embrace unlimited possibilities. 

'You gotta love the process, Babe' - said me to myself.
That's what life all about, isn't it?