'Bhumi Mandala Kelana'

‘Bhumi’ or earth, where we all born, where we all live and finally but not the end, where we all die. ‘Mandala’ means circle, symbol of the universe. ‘Kelana’ means wander. Bhumi Mandala Kelana, as I mean it, is the wanderer of this earth, not just physical earth but also earth in its spiritual sense (as a mandala).

I was dedicating ‘Bhumi Mandala Kelana’ to one who I would give my life, my love and my soul to.

He taught me to love myself, to love my body. He taught me to be strong. He taught me to be patient. He taught me how to be in control. And he taught me how to love selflessly.

He was my strength. He gave me support that I never imagine would have such support before. In every tear, in every mental and emotional breakdown, he reminded me to be strong, always.

I lost him, in my cause. The pain, the loss is unbearable. I know I would never be healed from this pain. I lose everything when I lost him. My soul, my life, my love, everything that I belief, that I cherish in this so-called life.

My very existence now is merely breathing body. I have nowhere to go. I see none.

One said to me, I have to have a holding. Maybe family, job, money, anything.

And yes, finally I have my holding. Time. Time to take me to be with him again. Time to my death. And I just can’t wait.